A love story about finally giving my wife the proposal we never had—and how dozens of independent bookstores helped us create the moment we were missing.

I BLAME IKEA

It all began two September’s ago. My wife and I were assembling three new IKEA bookshelves when the unimaginable happened—she bent her wedding ring while locking in a shelf and out popped a couple of diamonds. Miniscule but mighty… as in, not exactly carats, but more like mustard seeds.

The look of sheer panic on her face was immediately met with my shock, “can IKEA really cause such an injury?” and more troubling, “does my wife possess some Herculean strength that I'm unaware of?” Perhaps blame lay with the combination of determination, unprovenanced strength and excessive hand sweat, however I still can’t shake the thought that my wife might have Zeus at the top of her family tree.

The weeks after were met with filing insurance claims through our jewelry policy and secretly browsing the site of my wife’s favorite jeweler. We had been married for seven years at that point, but she always said if we ever got new rings, she’d love to get one from Oore Jewelry. I tucked this information into the back of my mind, like wayyyy back there, presuming I wouldn’t need to reach for it until at least our 25th anniversary, that is until she decided to WWE smackdown that particleboard.

THEY WERE ROOMMATES

Nine years ago, my wife and I bought our first engagement rings together, the same year we came out to our family and friends. We had secretly been together for six years before that. You know how it goes—a story as old as time: two adult women sharing a twin-size bed because they were roommates.

When we finally decided to come out and get engaged, we had to face the sad reality of an unsupportive family. We both come from religious homes, so there was this innate understanding that we’d never be accepted by our family, but that didn’t stop us from wanting to spend the rest of our lives together as a married couple. We considered delaying our engagement to give our family some time to come around, but wading in that hope could be even more painful because there was no guarantee they would come around. So one day after work, we went hand in hand to a local jewelry shop, picked out our engagement rings and then immediately placed them on the other's finger while sitting outside a raunchy strip mall. At the time, this was a sad moment for us, but looking back, I’ve come to love that this memory is a part of our story.

And while we're in this fictional safe space I’ve created (though I hope it isn't fictional), allow me to be vulnerable and admit something that has always embarrassed me: part of the reason I didn't propose the first time was that I knew we wouldn't have anyone to share in our excitement or waiting for us at home to celebrate with. I can feel my cheeks redden at sharing this, but it’s the damn truth so JUDGE ME (actually, please don’t, I’m a sensitive woman).

Still frame from our proposal film by Stone Light Film. Isn’t this giving 90s romance movie?

IT’S A LOVE STORY

As much as I love our love story, it’s been met with a lot of pain and disappointment over the years. I cannot quite put into words what it’s like to know with absolute certainty that we are good people, but not good enough for the love and support of those we hold most dear, particularly those who brought us into this world.

There’s a nagging question the inner 5-year-old me asks quite often and one the current 34-year-old me cannot answer: “but why can’t they just fully love and embrace me as I am?” I fear that at every age, I will have to disappoint 5-year-old Brittney and tell her I still don't have the answer. And maybe I never will. But one thing I know for certain is that 5-year-old Brittney never thought she could be this happy. So maybe it’s okay if I don’t have the answer… maybe the answer is actually in the arms of my wife.

This is the face of someone who found exactly what she was looking for.

We still have loved ones who are clinging to a sliver of hope that my wife and I find God and separate, but I’m happy to say that now the majority of people in our lives support and celebrate us. I am thankful that this proposal could be met with joy and excitement. Also, jokes on our haters because I did find God and he would like to be excluded from this narrative.

THE PROPOSAL

The purpose of this entry isn’t to lament about our shared coming out experience, but it’s necessary to convey why proposing to my wife for the first time was so important to me. I was determined to rewrite one of the saddest chapters of our lives.

And so, on a gloomy day in June last year, I picked up my metaphorical pen and began writing. I sent my wife and her sister on a scavenger hunt that ended exactly where I wanted her—the Rare Book Room at Powell’s. I would have hoped for a sunny day, but honestly, it was giving dark academia vibes which is exactly what my wife would have wanted. Also, I know what everyone is thinking so let me just say that no I did not intend to dress under the influence of “The Rock with a fanny pack” for my proposal sesh (this is why I should have ran my outfit choice by someone in advance).

There’s so many details from the proposal I could share, but I’d like to intentionally highlight the many people who contributed pieces of themselves, whether it be their time, creativity or a gift. I’ve sat on writing this post for a year because I didn’t know how to write this without the attention being on me. I am a wallflower writer - let me bear my soul, but please don’t ask me to bear it loudly in a room full of people. I also don’t want this post to come across as some romanticized story that sounds more like an advert for lesbianism (sorry, I should have included a warning label).

COMMIT THE whole HOLE

My wife likes to say that I can never go half ass on anything—I commit the whole hole, metaphorically speaking of course. Part of her proposal included a new engagement ring, and the other part included a journal of personal messages and quotes from loved ones and bookstores around the world.

In the months leading up to the proposal, I reached out to over 100 bookstores (and a few favorite stationery stores) and asked them if they’d be willing to contribute a quote on love and friendship. My wife is an avid reader, whereas I am not (working on it!) and I wanted to find a way to incorporate literature through the proposal, but I didn’t want to pull random love quotes from the internet. I liked the idea of asking booksellers for their most loved quotes because who would best know literature than the people running bookshops? Hello!

My wife and I have visited many bookstores throughout our years together so you could say bookstores have been an essential background character in my own love story, so it only felt right to make them the central character in the rewriting of it. My favorite thing about bookstores is that they are almost always a reflection of the community of people who run it and let me tell you, all of the people who responded to my email reflect kindness.

TO THE HEROES

From the photographers, shop owners, booksellers, and creatives behind the scenes, thank you for being a part of my story. You not only opened my email with my whacky request, but graciously hit “reply” and made this chapter of my life that much more exciting. THANK YOU and forgive me for taking so long to say it.

The following is a list of all the businesses people who contributed to our special day:
**I don’t believe in gatekeeping, so every business and product mentioned here is included simply because I genuinely appreciated it. I'm not affiliated with any of them, and there are no affiliate links in this post. If anything, I just hope this sends a little extra support their way—they deserve it.

Stationery

Eryngium – Vancouver, Washington
The most intentional, heartfelt stationery shop I’ve visited and run by an incredibly kind, welcoming, and fun woman by the name of Crystal. She played a crucial role in one of the scavenger pit stops. If you check out her shop, tell her Brittney and Bridget sent you!

Paper Republic – Vienna, Austria
One of my favorite specialty stationery shops! They not only provided quotes but very generously gifted my wife the XL Grand Voyageur journal (in Venezia color) and notebook refills (thank you, Yvonne!). One day my wife will take me here… hopeful sigh

Tom's Studio – Frome, Somerset, England, UK
Another favorite stationery shop that specializes in calligraphy tools. Tom (the man himself!) and his amazing team provided me with quotes and kindly offered a discount on the pen I gifted my wife.

Bookstores

A Seat at the Table – Elk Grove, California

Afterglow Books – Buffalo, New York

Blue Willow Bookshop – Houston, Texas

Cavalier Books – Denham Springs and Lafayette, Louisiana

Charlie's Queer Books – Seattle, Washington
My wife and I were lucky enough to stop by this shop last year and meet Charlie! Such an inviting space that matched Charlie’s warmth and kindness.

City Lights – San Francisco, California

Gay's the Word – London, England, UK

Green Ink Booksellers – Hay-on-Wye, Wales, UK

Literati Bookstore – Ann Arbor, Michigan

Mr B's Emporium – Bath, England, UK

News From Nowhere – Liverpool, England, UK

Northshire Bookstore – Manchester Center, Vermont

Parnassus Books – Nashville, Tennessee

Powell's Books – Portland, Oregon
Special thank you to Savannah for ensuring the proposal went smoothly!

Rubber Rose Books & Print – Kankakee, Illinois

Rust Belt Books – Buffalo, New York

Salts Mill – Saltaire, West Yorkshire, England, UK

Scriveners Books – Buxton, Derbyshire, England, UK

Spoke & Word Books – Milwaukie, Oregon
This was the last shop we visited before we moved from Washington back home to California. It was such a cute shop and definitely a bittersweet experience knowing we’d be leaving it behind.

The Atlas Collective – Moline, Illinois
Kara, I owe you a print! P.S. My wife LOVED your poem. ;)

The King's English Bookshop – Salt Lake City, Utah

The Lucky Fox Bookshop – Portland, Maine

Unabridged Bookstore – Chicago, Illinois

Women & Children First – Chicago, Illinois

Photographers

Olivia Louise Photography
Such a sweetheart who made my wife and I feel so comfortable! We love ALL of our photos!

Stone Light Film
Gabrielle brought such a calm energy to the proposal (which I definitely needed). She captured the full proposal video, but we included a clip in this post for reference.

Creatives

Cinderceramics – ceramic vase

HollowBooksByRP – The Song of Achilles hollow book safe

MeltingProse – book page flower bouquet

Oore Jewelry - the ring of all rings

ScarletGiraffee – mini books display

WARNING LABEL: This post isn’t about what the writer pulled off, but about what the writer accomplished through the help of a community of good hearted people. They are the heroes. Also, if you’re reading this, you’re probably gay.

I Proposed to My Wife After 7 Years of Marriage